Hell no I’m not sticking my favorite caffeinated bevie up the exit only door! That was my response to coffee enemas. Sort of. In all reality, treatment monopolized my week, and after that, I prioritized yoga, healthy meal prep, sunbathing aka natural vitamin D, and a weekend getaway over one more detox protocol. Coffee enemas also sounded silly to me. How could putting coffee, that delicious get me out of bed drink, up my butt make me feel well? I wasn’t buying it. Despite learning about the benefits of coffee enemas years ago and my doctors recommending them repeatedly, I boycotted this invasive derriere procedure like the plague, up until the point I couldn’t get out of bed after my November treatment.
I’d been home from treatment for less than twenty-four hours. I wasn’t even close to recovered, but I’d been looking forward to Thanksgiving Day since the moment we decided to redo our 2014 Tday itinerary, which included skiing, hitting our favorite locals bar and having a lavish buffet supper. To those of you sneering at the idea of Thanksgiving dinner out, I’ll leave it at this. It’s very relaxing (no prep, no clean up, no drama, complete indulgence). I was stoked to be surrounded by an awesome group of friends and mentally prepared to devour the shellfish tower, potentially some prime rib, lots of greens and enjoy a nibble of the best looking dark chocolate dessert. Physically, I was fatigued and bloated. Surely both would pass. Not so much. My plan was a bust. My desire to gorge on heaps of beautiful food was fleeting. Several days went by, and I still hadn’t bounced back to normal. Intuitively I knew my body was a toxic wasteland. I needed to up my detox. December 1, 2015, I gave myself my first coffee enema, and I haven’t looked back.
The recommendation is to hold the coffee in anywhere from 15 – 25 minutes. I made it to sixty seconds. So I did another one right after, making it to four minutes. It didn’t go perfectly. Progress not perfection people. That afternoon I gave myself another. Glutton for punishment? Possibly. More realistically I was at the point I’d do anything if you told me it would make me feel better. Anything. I expected to regain control of my life and instead I was going on my seventh month of feeling like crap. December was my first full month off from treatment, and I had high hopes of taking the world by storm, but my body had other plans. So I reluctantly conceded to its wisdom.
The longer I held the coffee, the more noticeable the benefits. Mainly, my energy returned for a few hours following. The weakness in my body subsided if only to go back to feeling exhausted again several hours later. That would have been a good time to do another, which I did some days. I was nervous at first about overdoing it. In hindsight, I would have had greater trust in my body and put less stock on the research I’d done.
As usual in the world of nutrition, there’s a lot of contradicting information out there on how many enemas you should do. Gerson Therapy recommends four to six coffee enemas per day for cancer patients. My doctors recommended three per week. The likelihood of me doing six coffee enemas in a day was slim to none. I decided somewhere in between these two recommendations was right for my body. Always listen to your body. Go inside. Ask it what it needs. It will tell you. Don’t let all the information on the internet prevent you from moving forward. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure no one has ever died of too many coffee enemas.
I self-administered coffee enemas the entire month of December. I won’t go into detail as to some of the unidentifiable gunk that came out of me, but I’ll say this, I’m pretty sure parasites are a real concern and everyone can benefit from detoxifying their body from the chemical laden land we live in today. There’s so much information on the internet if you want to deep dive into the benefits, history or how to. Or you can take my word for it, buy your supplies and start cleaning up your body today!
You Should Do Coffee Enemas if You’re…
-experience digestive issues such as gas, bloating, constipation, diarrhea, IBS
-you’ve been doing too much binge drinking and partying
I strive to make everything I do in life as enjoyable as possible, especially since aspects of my healing protocol are downright miserable. If I had a bathtub (only have a shower), I’d create a sacred space in the tub (yoga mat, towels, and blankets to make it cozy and light some candles). I often turn on my heating pad and place it on my tummy to keep me warm and relaxed. Attempt staying off your phone and meditate or visualize your body healing. Alternatively, you can grab a book or listen to some relaxing music.
Contrary to what you may be thinking, coffee enemas will not make you poop all day. If you’re concerned about incontinence, don’t take my word for it, do your first enema when you can spend a few hours in the comfort of your home. Coffee enemas are less about pooping and more about detoxifying the liver and other organs.
Purified Water (high quality bottled or filtered water) – do not use water straight out of the tap.
Good luck! I’d love to hear how it goes in the comment section below.
P.S. For those of you wondering this entire time what butter coffee is, read here and try at your earliest convenience. Delicious!